Gala Etiquette The Agony and the Ecstasy

THE BUZZ STARTS IN SUMMER.

THE BUZZ STARTS EVERY SUMMER. It can make or break reputations. No, not our national
election—preparations for Gala Season!

By Labor Day, fashion-parade tension is in the air. Now comes the agony of decision: What
will I wear? Will you become a victim of fashion by demanding the latest style, even if it is
unbecoming? Coordinate your couture with your “walkers” (non- sleeping male escorts for ladies who are presently single, or whose husbands prefer not to attend every event.) Embrace ecstasy instead: Make wise choices.

I was recently asked how to procure a place in high society. Cleaning up one’s image helps. Throw some money around, but with style and grace. Useful:

• A public-relations expert for good press
• The best opera/theater seats
• An etiquette/image consultant
• A prestigious address
• Develop your philanthropic giving to non-controversial causes

Common challenges for dealing with classic social dilemmas.

How to Politely Decline an Invitation:

1. “Sorry, but I have a prior engagement,” is fine. Politeness is key; privacy is a right.
2. Follow up with a hand-written note thanking the host for the invitation.

How to Reply to Rude Questions:

1. Change the subject.
   Q: Did you have liposuction?
   A: Speaking of body work, did you see the Oscars this year?
2. Answer a rude question with a rude question, but with humor.
   Q: How much money do you make?
   A: (jokingly) Why, do you need a loan?

How to Avoid Sending the Wrong Message:

1. Don’t say: “You don’t remember me, do you?”
2. Don’t say: “Are you pregnant?” or “When are you due?” Suppose she isn’t?
3. Don’t say: “Who gave you that (car, ring, etc,)?” A successful woman can afford her own possessions.

How to End a Boring Conversation:

1. Try changing the subject, it may be the topic, not the person that is uninteresting.
2. Don’t comment or ask questions. Look at your watch and make a comment about the time.
3. Have an excuse—a visit to the powder room or someone you must greet.
4. Politely ask for a card or hint about a future meeting.

How to Make Small Talk in a Big Way:

1. Pick three topics that will work for any situation. Go with what you know. A charity you work with, foods or restaurants you enjoy, children (if you both have them), or vacations.
2. Listen more than you talk. Listen intently to group conversations before diving in. If you cannot comment knowledgeably, ask, “What is your opinion?”
3. Ask open-ended questions. “How do you know the host?” “Where did you grow up?”
4. Stay focused. Maintain eye contact and open body language while listening intently. Don’t glance around the room.
5. Avoid offering advice. Acquaintances may bring up matters of personal concern during small talk, but this is not the time or place for advice.

She’s wearing my dress!

It happened at the White House in 2006, where four women at the reception—including
Mrs. Bush—wore the same $8,500 Oscar de la Renta dress. Ultimately, it’s the
responsibility of the designer’s public- relations team to do their homework, making sure
gowns haven’t been worn or bought by other high-profile clients. If it happens, heed Letitia
Baldridge, Jacqueline Kennedy’s former chief of staff and White House social secretary, who
said: “They all should have congratulated one another on their good taste and the fact that
they could afford the dress.” Laugh about it, and promise to warn each other when you are
going to wear it again!

By Elena Brouwer